“My first memory is of the orphanage I lived in after my mum abandoned me as toddler. I don’t really like thinking about that because it makes me sad. When I got a bit older, I was put in an institution for children with intellectual disabilities. There were good days and bad days — sometimes the staff hit me. After three or four years I was put in foster care and that was terrible. ”
“I’ve been working for three years and I really like earning my own money and being around other people. Sport is my big thing and I’m part of a club.
My first memory is of the orphanage I lived in after my mum abandoned me as toddler. I don’t really like thinking about that because it makes me sad. When I got a bit older, I was put in an institution for children with intellectual disabilities. There were good days and bad days — sometimes the staff hit me. After three or four years I was put in foster care and that was terrible. Things changed when I was got new foster parents. I called them Mum and Dad. Everything was fine until I reached 7th grade and started fighting at school and at home. I got to the point where I couldn’t control myself — couldn’t control my anger and anxiety. Then voices in my head started telling me to break things and hurt people. I spent most of my 17th year in a psychiatric hospital. When I was well enough to leave, I moved to Susret. The early days were tough — twice I got angry and destroyed things. Then I decided enough was enough. These days I hardly ever get angry and if I feel myself heading downhill, I talk to someone or go for a walk to calm down. Seeing my psychiatrist helps and I’ve found medications that work for me. I’ve been working for three years and I really like earning my own money and being around other people. Sport is my big thing and I’m part of a club. I’ve won 13 club medals in swimming, volleyball, rowing, skiing and bowling. I feel like a champion.
“I go to concerts, I walk around with my friends, I socialise with people I haven’t seen for so long.”
Until I was eight, I thought we had a happy family. Dad sometimes had angry outbursts but he didn’t beat us — he just smashed things. Then Mum was diagnosed as bipolar. Sometimes she was manic and sometimes she was depressed, and she would disappear for days at a time. I was 28 when she died of cancer. Around the same time I was being bullied at work so I quit my job and went to Berlin. There I met a Dutch guy and moved with him to Rotterdam. He lived in a rough area — it was full of criminals and prostitutes — and I was scared of going out. I think that was when I snapped. I had to be hospitalised. But I managed to get things together, move back to Zagreb and start working for a Croatian television station. When my dad died I had to cope with the additional stress of organising everything — the funeral, paperwork… it was all too much and I ended up in hospital. Sometime after, everything really fell apart. Voices in my head told me to go to Vienna but I didn’t have a plan. I ended up sleeping on benches for three weeks, got arrested for stealing sandwiches from a café and was deported. I lost my job because I stopped taking my medication and coming to work. Then I sold my apartments for half their worth, gave the money away and ended up homeless. The authorities put me in adult foster care in a far-off village for almost four years. Moving back to Zagreb and into community-based living was hard, even though I grew up in the city. But now I enjoy everything the city offers. I go to concerts, I walk around with my friends, I socialise with people I haven’t seen for so long. I take care of myself, I clean, I buy groceries and I cook. I really like listening to music. And sometimes I dream about the future. One day I’d like to reclaim the money that belongs to me and live independently by myself.
“The freedom I have now makes me feel like a normal person."
I was 18 when I moved from Bosnia to Zagreb. My dad had just died and my mum had passed away when I was a child. I wanted to study but ended up working as a waitress. That didn’t last long. I was living with my brother on the day he checked himself into a psychiatric hospital, and when I realised how scared I was, I thought I should go too. That was my first hospitalization. For some people, their 20s are an amazing time of meeting people and travelling and finding out who they are. Mine — not so much. It’s hard to do any of that stuff when you’re totally psychotic. For a while I was stuck in an institution on an island, then I was placed in adult foster care in a remote village where I lived with five families in as many years. When that didn’t work, I was sent to a home for people with mental health problems up in the mountains. I hated being locked in. Then I tried to live in a convent where the nuns told me not to take my medication and said I’d get well if I prayed enough. But after a while I became psychotic again and had to go back to a hospital. A friend found out about Susret and since July 2010 I’ve been living in the community. I visit friends, have people over for dinner, go out and play table tennis. I went on my first plane trip — to Budapest, for a conference — and I’ve been to Slovenia a couple of times. When things get tough, there are people I can turn to for advice. The freedom I have now makes me feel like a normal person. I think I’ve finally found my place in the world.
“I feel like a captain on my ship, not just a passenger.”
Growing up in a small village is tough when you don’t fit in. I was already an outsider when I decided I wouldn’t go to church with my family, and that isolated me even more. School wasn’t much fun.
I moved to the big city for university. Looking back, I can see how I was harsh on myself — it felt like my exam results were the be-all and end-all. I did well in my first year but then I lost motivation so I started going to group psychotherapy in the hope that it would help me feel less lonely. Things got worse though, and at one point I thought somebody wanted to kill me. I tried to get treatment while I was studying but it was too much, so I went back home to my village. Between 2001 and 2008 I found myself in the hospital four or five times.
I’m so glad my psychiatrist told me about Susret. I like city life because it’s very diverse and dynamic — not monotonous, like in the village. I read a lot about chess and play it on the computer, and when I felt strong enough I joined a chess club where I met people who are about as obsessed as I am. I don’t feel nearly as lonely these days, and I even have my café that I go to all the time. It’s like my “Cheers” café, my second home — and I quite like the waitress, too.
I used to think I couldn’t do a physical job but being a cleaner is right up my alley — I like it when things are neat and tidy. I feel so much better these days — like I belong somewhere and I am connected to people. I feel like a captain on my ship, not just a passenger.
“I’m very interested in gemstones and minerals and would love to work in a jewellery shop.”
A social worker told me about Susret and I moved into supported living in 2007. Since then I’ve learned a lot about computers and finished a basic IT course. I saved up to buy a laptop, camera, DVD player and lots of books. I’ve also become more patient and I communicate better. You could say I’ve learnt how to behave nicely. Work wasn’t easy at first but now I’m doing well. The others like me and we joke around. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I am proud that I’ve been given the opportunity to live freely. I was shunted around from one institution to another when I was a kid and I didn’t have much freedom. There is no support, just people ordering you around. That’s why I appreciate this kind of living. And here I have support from assistants, volunteers and coordinators. They helped me learn how to operate in the city. And I found my mum and sister after eight years apart. That was really nice. One day I would like to be more independent, really be my own boss. I’m very interested in gemstones and minerals and would love to work in a jewellery shop. That would be great.
“I haven’t drunk alcohol for five years now and I don’t think I ever will again.”
My mum and dad separated when I was four. I mucked up a lot in school, playing the class clown. They told me I had behaviour issues. I was 11 when I spent my first day in a children’s psychiatric hospital. By the time I hit my teens I was smoking, drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd. Mum wasn’t impressed. I went to day sessions at a place for troubled kids. Nothing much changed though, and when I was 17 my friend and I ended up in custody. He got a serious sentence but because it was my first offence, I was sent to a juvenile detention centre for two years. When I got out they transferred me straight to a psychiatric hospital.
